Speak

My soul speaks to you…
Your ego speaks to me..
You look into my eyes and you see unfathomable love..
I look into your eyes and all I see is cold lust…
You search my heart and all you find is longing..
I search your heart and all I find is emptiness…
You touch my body and you want to do like you did a hundred before me..
I touch your body and I want yours to be the only body I touch..
You need someone there to make you feel good about yourself..
I need someone there to love and complete me…
You open your mouth and all that flows out is vanity and lies..
I open my mouth and all that flows out is endless honesty..
You need to leave but you won’t because you are addicted to the sex…
I need to leave but I won’t because I am addicted to the thought of you loving me..
My lips speak to you and all you want to do is have a taste…
Your lips speak and all I want to do is be your girl for eternity…
I speak to you and all that comes out is question after question..
You speak to me and not a single answer makes an appearance..
I cant get enough of your sweet meaningless words…
You cant get enough of my soft touch and calming voice..
You spin your web of lies and trap me in..
I spin my web of naivety and hope and try to trap you…
We are forever stuck in a place that neither of us can escape…

Missing you..

Sometimes I think i’m safely in your arms..
I think my world is completely whole..
Happy even.. 
That I might wake up to see your handsome face..
To feel your soft lips on mine..
Your calloused hands  softly caressing my body..
But then reality crashes down over me..
And i realize that the place where my heart used to reside is empty..
I realize you are nowhere to be found, no longer with me..
And I remember you are a million miles away from me..
And I start to miss you all over again..

Sometimes…

Sometimes I look at your pictures..
Our pictures….
Going through each and every one of them..
I have tried to delete them.. I really have..
But that part of my heart that still belongs to you just won’t let me..
One by one..I explore them..
Investigate them..
Looking at happier times..
Seeing a time when you used to adore me..
To still need me..
To still miss me..
To look at me like I was your whole world..
A time when a day wouldn’t pass without you telling me I was yours..
Sometimes memories of us play in my head..
Over and over like a never ending reel..
Torturing my very being..
Because I know this reel will never be expanded..
Added to with new memories..
Sometimes I try to not think about you..
Because when I do I lose myself in an emotion filled tide..
I disappear into a dark abyss of utter pain..
My soul aches for you..
My heart breaks into a million pieces
My body yearns for your touch..
Sometimes….. Just sometimes…
I wish you still belonged to me…

I Long To Go Back…

I wish..

I just yearn..

That I could go back..

Travel back to a time..

When I used to be free..

A time when I used to be brave..

Unafraid to live..

Fearless to explore…

Open to shamelessly love..

I Long For You..

We used to have everything..
I your Cinderella..
You my Prince Charming..

Oh mi amor..

Laying under the night sky..
Counting stars and making love..

Mi corazon…

Embracing blissfully and talking till the sun comes out..
Walking hand in hand and kissing on the streets..

Oh il mio angelo…

Living in our own beautiful, magical world..
Whispering “I love yous”..

My Darling…

Wherever you are..
Dream a little dream of me..
As my mind and heart lingers on you..
Sweet dreams with bitter longings haunt me..

Mon cher…

In a world with out you I am lost..
I wish to feel you with me, on me, around me..

Angel You Seek

So pure she breathes..
Her chest moving up and down she turns
Making my heart skip a beat she yawn
I caress her silky cheek
With the back of my fingers i feel her warmth
A jolt moves through me as I look down at her small enchanting face
I lean in close, a yearning to fill my lungs with her heavenly scent controlling me
As i inhale deeply I feel my heart jumping for joy then tumbling down with an ache
I knew she would smell sweet but not this sugary, this addictive, this rich
Like a summer breeze she smells, like beautiful roses, like fresh air, like life itsself
I can feel her fidgeting, getting ready to wake up
But my complete, unadulterated hunger for her freezes me on my spot
I want to embrace her and never let go
Love her so much that she will never cry again
Protect her and hold her tight to my chest so I can feel every beat her heart makes
To taste her soft pink lips
Make love to her all night long and make her every fantasy come alive
But I am bound by the laws of our nature not to touch her
Not to openly and completely love her
To bury my feelings deep with in and watch her live her life
For her to never know I exist
She opens her eyes slowly, gazing around her room
For a moment locking her eyes with me as if she sees me sitting across from her
Then slowly looking away and switching on her bedside lamp
She then wraps her delicate, lovely hands around herself, for a moment touching her cheek
Feeling where I just touched her
With a fire for burning deep with in me i watch her longingly
I knew she could feel my presence, she always could
Yes my love, with my life I shall protect you and keep you safe
Till the day I die I shall watch over you
For that is my job as your guardian angel
And maybe, just maybe
One day I shall be granted the greatest gift of all, my greatest wish
For us to finally be together mind, body and soul
That shall be the day I finally start living..

Mental Rubik’s Cube

When i was young i use to dream of ponies and paradise

Of living in a world filled with love, happiness and faith

All my problems could be washed away  by a simple kiss from my mother

I used to paint the world as i wanted it to be

Or write a story about the goodness and purity of life

The grayness or blueness of the exquisite sky

I would stay up all night thinking about being loved by that special man

We would take a stroll on the beach, with the sunset glowing in the background

The soft sea breeze would serenade our minds as we are closed off from the rest of the world

I would sit up by my bedroom window and write in my diary about all the stupid little things that were roaming in my naive young mind

I would dream about a world were there is no war, no revenge, hate or argument

A world were humans don’t fight because of religion, race, social class or any other little petty thing

At the smallest sight of any sadness, any pain in the world, i would cry all night because i just could not understand it

Oh how i was young and full of dreams, ambition, happiness and hope

As i sit here looking back at the past, i now see how my mind has been polluted by the world, by politics, by people

No longer do i wait for my knight in shinning amour, my prince, my superman

No more do i still hope for unconditional love, for paradise, for happiness, for peace in the world

No longer am i an inspired butterfly willing to spread my wings and explore the beautiful world

Now i see that all that is left in the world is the present..

And i don’t cry no more

Sometimes i wish i still had the innocence and naivety of a child that i was

All that i’m left with is my mental Rubik’s cube