Sometimes I think i’m fine.. I think my world is completely normal.. Content even.. That I might even be happy one day.. But then reality crashes over me.. And i realize the place where my heart used to reside is empty.. All that is left is a dark void..
There is a million reasons why I should not love him..
Why I should not care..
Why I should not long, crave for him..
For his touch..For his kisses..
For his voice..For his love
Iv tried not feeling anything for him..
I have tried to convince myself to move on..
To forget about him..
Because he has probably forgotten about me now..
Probably moved on to the next girl..
But my heart and soul can’t help it..
He is permanently etched onto my heart..Onto my skin
I breathe through him..
I need him…
Sometimes I look at your pictures..
Our pictures…. Going through each and every one of them.. I have tried to delete them.. I really have.. But that part of my heart that still belongs to you just won’t let me.. One by one..I explore them.. Investigate them.. Looking at happier times.. Seeing a time when you used to adore me.. To still need me.. To still miss me..
To look at me like I was your whole world.. A time when a day wouldn’t pass without you telling me I was yours.. Sometimes memories of us play in my head.. Over and over like a never ending reel.. Torturing my very being.. Because I know this reel will never be expanded.. Added to with new memories.. Sometimes I try to not think about you.. Because when I do I lose myself in an emotion filled tide.. I disappear into a dark abyss of utter pain.. My soul aches for you.. My heart breaks into a million pieces My body yearns for your touch.. Sometimes….. Just sometimes… I wish you still belonged to me…
I feel a darkness..
A darkness within..
Like dark poisonous vines curving around a dying tree..
Utter and ultimate misery..
Twirls around my slow beating heart..
Swallowing me whole..
Devouring my inner being..
Is it possible for your heart to hurt so bad the pain feels physical.. For a heart to actually cry.. For you to feel like there’s a lead weight on your chest… To feel like you have been punched in the chest…. And that your insides are about to rupture and come out through your mouth… To feel like someone thrust their hand down your throat.. And started pulling your soul right from within you…
“Iv never done this before”.. I whispered more to myself than to her..
“I’m glad i’m your first” She murmured..
Distracted by the sound of my dress hitting the floor..
She watched me…No.. Gazed at me..
Eyes glazed over in lust..Pure unadulterated desire..
Taking everything in as if in a trance..
As if I’m the sexiest vixen alive..
She sat quietly as I took off every stitch of clothing..
Letting them fall one by one..
Exposing myself to her hungry stare..
Until I stood in front of her with just my heels..
As she strolled towards me.. Prowled more like
Focused, sexy and confident..
Like a panther stalking it’s prey..
Ready for the take down..
A slight shiver of anticipation runs though my body..
As she stops in front of me she ran her hands over me..
Leaving goose bumps trailing behind her caress..
Starting at the nape of my neck.. Down my arms..
Touching the side of my breast.. Barely grazing my nipples..
“So beautiful” She said sounding amazed..
“Am I really all she says i am” my mind starts to wonder…
She moves her hands down my waist..
Grabbing my butt and squeezing roughly..
Moaning deep in her throat before her soft perfect lips crashed down on mine…
All thought dissipated…
All that mattered was this feeling.. This moment..
Please don’t leave me.. I’ll be good.. Better than before.. I need you… I crave you.. I will do anything you desire of me.. I will be anyone you need me to be.. I will follow you to the ends of the world.. Just please don’t leave.. Stay with me…