We lie here next to each other
Cant stop thinking about you
somewhere over the rainbow
I live in padlocked terror
I want you to be my full time admirer
As i watched him get dressed and walk out of the door, i felt my heart breaking into even more smaller pieces, but this time it wasnt because i was hurt, it wasnt because i just found him with Mollie, it was because deep inside my heart i now knew what i had to do. I saw the end of our marriage, and it made my heart ache.
I now serve my heart on a silver platter to you
I may have not known what i was doing when we met
I watch him leave the house and I know where he is going, I know he is going to his mistress. How glad he must be that I don’t want him in the house, that I found him with her, now he can do what he wants without having the pressure of hiding it from me, now he can go continue his night of pleasure with her. I walk to the bathroom to prepare a bath, but when I look around the beautiful ceramic surroundings, I remember that they just took a shower together right in here, which is probably not the first time. I wish I could hate him so much, but I simply cannot, it is a man’s nature to cheat is it not, frankly I’m shocked it took him this long. I walk to the guest room and prepare a hot, long relaxing bubble bath, then I sink myself into the hot water and tears finally start streaming down my face. It has been a very long draining day, and now that I’m finally relaxed and alone with my thoughts, I completely break down and I sob for hours and hours until I’m all cried out on my bed alone..
I wake up at five am and just for a moment before I open my eyes I think it was all a bad dream, a horrible nightmare brought by my fear of losing Nick, but my hope is deadly crushed by the sight of the guest room and reality is set deep down in my heart. I spend the following days in a haze of confusion, tears and horrid sadness which hurts physically, tipsy because of all the wine i have been drinking by myself the whole week. After a week of wallowing in pity, sadness,anger and bewilderment, I realize how dirty the house is and i start cleaning everything and this hefty task helps clear my mind. After hours and hours of cleaning, i make something to eat and as i am in the mist of it i hear a heavy knock on the door. With a heavy sigh, i open the door and see Nick standing there with roses and a big teddy bear. The first this that comes to my mind is ” is he freaken insane, thinking that sleeping with another girl can be fixed with flowers and a stuffed bear”!
” Hi Rosie, can i come in? “.. he says with a long face and one of the sexy smirks he used to give me, which is totally just makes me even more furious with him.
“No. What do you want?”.. I tell him with a serious face. He waltz in anyway slightly pushing me aside and just stands there staring at me.
After what feels like decades of tension filled silence, he finally babbles ” Rosie i’m really sorry about what happened, i don’t know what got in me, i was just looking for something new, and i know that’s not an excuse, but i really love you and these last few days have been like hell to me. Its over with me and….. and i’m not in love with her, i love you, please forgive me and take me back.
As i’m looking at his face with tears already streaming down his rosy pink cheeks, i feel a stab of pain mixed with anger and love for him, we get into a rowdy heated argument and once again i start throwing whatever it is that i can get my hands on. With in the blink of an eye he grabbed me in his strong arms and drew me towards him pushing his lips onto mine. I fight him off and even bite him which just makes him kiss me harder as i feel his rigidness poking me in my tummy, after seconds of putting up a struggle i submit into his familiar soft lips and we kiss severely for an obscene amount of time, peeling each other’s clothes as time continues. He kisses my ruffled hair, my cheeks, the nape of my neck and back to my lips again. He then stops, i stop,panting and looking me in the eyes with a questioning look in his eyes, then starts nibbling on my nipples. I want him and i know he wants me. He grabs my ass and lifts me onto his hardness and starts thrusting and panting.
“Ooh Rosie i missed you so much, is it good for you baby? i’m so close” he says, panting and breathing hard.
As i watch him moving and grunting i start feeling sick to my stomach because i just realize that the last time he had sex it was with someone else. Suddenly everything has changed,everything is different, i feel nothing but hate and disgust for him and i cant bear to look at his face.
Next and last part coming soon…
The worst thing that I have been dreading and have been avoiding for what feels like ages just happened. I wasn’t expecting her home for at least one more week, her walking in on Mollie and I, is terrible. Don’t get me wrong, I think I’ve fallen in love with Mollie, but I still care a great deal for Rosie, she has been as supportive and loving as a wife could possibly ever be, but things had started getting a bit too wearily routine and boring and for my liking and when I met Mollie I thought wow!!. She was young, exciting, gorgeous, legs that looked like they could go on forever, perky huge breats, and just everything that my typical life didn’t consist of. The most incredible thing was that she actually liked me, not because we were married or because she had to, but just liked me for myself, she made me feel young, attractive and as wild as a panther. The first time I saw her was at the gym, at first it was nothing more than a little harmless flirting, and just knowing that I’ll see her at the gym at the end of my very long and stressful day made me blissfully teenage puppy love happy. And I guess that is about the time that I started to change a bit towards Rosie, because the rest of my mind was filled with the gorgeous young lawyer. One night after the gym Mollie came to me and asked me if I would like to go and get some coffee or dinner, “as just friends” she said. I agreed to tag along and I believe that was the first day which led to this very day right now.
“Going to have a bite with the boys, be back late, don’t wait up. Love ya”,was a quick scribble of a text I sent Rosie as I went to have dinner with Mollie. Time flew by on our “friends date” and by the time I got back home it was already 2 am. That was the beginning of our affair, we rented lavish rooms in beautiful hotels, we met at my office (of course during lunch or after office hours, when I was sure that no one was there), we met at her chic apartment and anywhere else where we could rip our clothes off and make sweet wild love. Our lust for each other even caused us to meet in my house, which is the reason why now Rosie is staring at me with her big teary angry eyes.
“I don’t know” I say. Moving towards her, deciding otherwise when I see the murderous look in her eyes.
“I still love you very much, it’s just that our life has become such a routine, and she makes me feel young,attractive and alive” As I am trying to explain my cheating, I realize that even to me this is not a good reason to betray my wife. I truly have no clue why I cheated, other than the fact that Mollie is stunning and my relationship with her is exciting, adventurous and fresh. But of course I cannot say this to Rosie, it takes two to make a relationship work, and it did not give me the right to cheat just because I felt bored.
She stares at me for a while longer and then sits on the pretty red love couch next to the window with her head slumped in. All at once she looked very vulnerable, crushed and in deep sorrow,
“Do you love her?” she asks with a final sigh with her whole body as if she has given up all hope and is tired of even talking.
“I don’t know how I feel, but I know I still love you” I answer with a doubt in my voice that I could not shake. As we sit on the couches opposite each other, I realize now how very much I messed up, how I ruined things in our relationship, I realize how much I love Rosie, but sadly now it’s too late. We decide it would be best if I didn’t spend the night in the house tonight, so as I leave, to go and spend the night at my friend Nate’s apartment, she looks at me with a mixed look of utter disgust, hate, disappointment and sadness which made my heart feel like it had been cut to pieces by that one look.
To be continued…
I grabbed her by her hair and banged her head against the door. I never thought I could do anything so violent and crazy, but love, jealousy and anger can make a person do unbelievable things. It was a huge row between my husband’s” naked girl” as I pulled, bit, kicked and hit her with anything I could lay my hands on, by the time my husband managed to pull me off the slut I had managed to scar her for life. She was crying like a new born baby and the tears were mixing with blood on her not so pretty face, she managed to crawl to her clothes and then limped as quickly as her wounds could allow her out of the bedroom. I stood there feeling disgusted as I starred at Nick. My worst nightmare had just come true in my very bed, in my house and it was gut wrenching.
I still remember the day he proposed. We got to his apartment and he had prepared a beautiful candle light dinner, very intimate and romantic on the patio, he was like my knight in shining amour whisking me away to the throne of his horse only his horse was the beautifully lit patio. The night was wonderful as we were both still high on adrenalin because the rest of our working lives was stretched out in front of us, when the time for dessert came he gave me a sheepish naughty smile as he handed me the slice of strawberry cake, (my favorite) and as I took a big bite I suddenly felt something hard in my mouth, something hard and round, when I spit it out I saw the most amazing beautiful ring with a beautifully cut pink diamond. It was the most exquisite thing I had ever laid my eyes on, I could hardly breathe as I was choked by tears of jolliness and shock. He got down on one knee, very old fashioned I know, but as they say, old is gold. He got down on one knee and recited the most emotional poem that still to this day I have ever heard.
You are the sunshine of my life
From the day I saw you I knew
I knew I never want to let you go
You make me happy like I’ve never been
You turn the worst days into the best
Even birds cannot sing to your unimaginable beauty
I know I want to spend the rest of days with you
I want to spend eternity with you
Will you make me the happiest man to ever be born
Will you marry me..
“I’m so sorry Rosie, I didn’t want you to find out like this, I didn’t know you where coming home this soon, I’m really very sorry”. He babbles on as I keep throwing various beautiful things that we bought together during our happier times together. So he is not apologizing because he is cheating on me, he is apologizing for being caught!! Typical men.
When I finally get physically and emotionally drained, I just stare at him waiting for an explanation, so naturally I ask him a question that I think many, many women in the same situation as mine have asked their good for nothing cheating men.
“Why”? such a simple question which could end up breaking up families, causing siblings to never talk and making friends to hate each other for life.
To be continued