Shadow..

Sometimes…
Sometimes I wish I could be your shadow..
To trail behind you like a lost soul trying to catch on to its body..
Just so that I can get a chance…..
A fruitless, mindless chance…
To simply exist within the same space as you..

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Lost…

Gazing at you..
At your deep, dark blue eyes..
Or are they purple..
Maybe black..
I dare not wonder anymore..
All I know is they stole my words…
And now I need those eyes to keep existing..
Because they see me….
They see my soul..
My inner being..
They give me strength..
Fill me with love..With hope..With life..
Without them I am lost..

love

Missing you..

Sometimes I think i’m safely in your arms..
I think my world is completely whole..
Happy even.. 
That I might wake up to see your handsome face..
To feel your soft lips on mine..
Your calloused hands  softly caressing my body..
But then reality crashes down over me..
And i realize that the place where my heart used to reside is empty..
I realize you are nowhere to be found, no longer with me..
And I remember you are a million miles away from me..
And I start to miss you all over again..

sleep

Ohh Heart.. Why Him..

break

There is a million reasons why I should not love him..
Why I should not care..
Why I should not long, crave for him..
For his touch..For his kisses..
For his voice..For his love
Iv tried not feeling anything for him..
I have tried to convince myself to move on..
To forget about him..
Because he has probably forgotten about me now..
Probably moved on to the next girl..
But my heart and soul can’t help it..
He is permanently etched onto my heart..Onto my skin
I breathe through him..
I need him…

Number one….

One day..
One far away day..
one lonely day..
Just one day…
I will finally be someone’s number one..
It might not be today..
It might not be  tomorrow..
Might not even be in the next ten years..
But I have to believe…
I have to hope and pray..
That one day..
Someone will love me enough..
Need me enough…
Adore me enough..
To render me their number one..
loveme

Sometimes…

Sometimes I look at your pictures..
Our pictures….

Going through each and every one of them..
I have tried to delete them.. I really have..
But that part of my heart that still belongs to you just won’t let me..
One by one..I explore them..
Investigate them..
Looking at happier times..
Seeing a time when you used to adore me..
To still need me..
To still miss me..
To look at me like I was your whole world..

A time when a day wouldn’t pass without you telling me I was yours..
Sometimes memories of us play in my head..
Over and over like a never ending reel..
Torturing my very being..
Because I know this reel will never be expanded..
Added to with new memories..
Sometimes I try to not think about you..
Because when I do I lose myself in an emotion filled tide..
I disappear into a dark abyss of utter pain..
My soul aches for you..
My heart breaks into a million pieces
My body yearns for your touch..
Sometimes….. Just sometimes…
I wish you still belonged to me…

hurts

Swallow Me Whole…

I feel a darkness..
A darkness within..
Surrounding me..
Like dark poisonous vines curving around a dying tree..
Pain..
Utter and ultimate misery..
Twirls around my slow beating heart..
Swallowing me whole..
Devouring my inner being..

dark

Stay With Me..

Please don’t leave me..
I’ll be good.. Better than before..
I need you… I crave you..
I will do anything you desire of me..
I will be anyone you need me to be..
I will follow you to the ends of the world..
Just please don’t leave..
Stay with me…

leave

No doubt…

I have no doubt sweetheart

That you could be mine
That I could be your forever
That I could make you forget
That I could steal your heart
That I could make you my world

I have no doubt that I could love you fully and completely..
For eternity..
If only you would give me one more night..

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I Want To Live…

I’m so sick and tired..

Sick and tired of existing…
I want to live..
Not just exist..
Drifting in and out of days..
Doing whats expected of me..
School, University, Work, Marriage, Kids..
Until one day I finally die..
I feel drained, hollow, devoid of meaning..
I walk and travel the long road..
I fly, swim, drive, paddle..
Searching, aching for a path to take..
Searching for a purpose..
Searching for happiness..Not just contentment..
I want to run far from home and get lost in the wilderness..
I want to jump into the darkness and face the demons..
I want to dive into the ocean and discover the unimaginable..
I want to lose myself in life.. get drunk off her tits..
I want to feel alive..
I mean really live… Not just exist..
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