Sometimes I feel.
I don’t mean to..
Hell, most times I try not to..
But I can not help it..
When you are near me I feel..
Because you make my world spin a little faster..
Make my dreams seem a little closer..
And then I feel everything..
I feel you deep inside me…
I wish for you to take me..
To make me yours..
Slowly..All day… How ever you want..
But you don’t see me..
Don’t even know I exist..
And it hurts..
It cuts me deep..
Burns like a furnace..
Like you are flaying the skin off my bones..
But my heart doesn’t listen..
When you are around me…
I fall apart…
I can barely breathe…
I still feel too much..
Gazing at you..
At your deep, dark blue eyes..
Or are they purple..
I dare not wonder anymore..
All I know is they stole my words…
And now I need those eyes to keep existing..
Because they see me….
They see my soul..
My inner being..
They give me strength..
Fill me with love..With hope..With life..
Without them I am lost..
There is a fire burning within my soul
Flamming, burning, destroying
Burning only for your
For your appreciation
For your acceptance
For your caress
I am starved for your look
There is a fire incinerating my insides
Utter desperation coats my heart
I yearn for you to put out the fire
But all you do is give me that bored smirk
As you throw gasoline into the fire
Sometimes I think i’m safely in your arms.. I think my world is completely whole.. Happy even.. That I might wake up to see your handsome face.. To feel your soft lips on mine.. Your calloused hands softly caressing my body.. But then reality crashes down over me.. And i realize that the place where my heart used to reside is empty.. I realize you are nowhere to be found, no longer with me.. And I remember you are a million miles away from me.. And I start to miss you all over again..
Sometimes I think i’m fine.. I think my world is completely normal.. Content even.. That I might even be happy one day.. But then reality crashes over me.. And i realize the place where my heart used to reside is empty.. All that is left is a dark void..
There is a million reasons why I should not love him..
Why I should not care..
Why I should not long, crave for him..
For his touch..For his kisses..
For his voice..For his love
Iv tried not feeling anything for him..
I have tried to convince myself to move on..
To forget about him..
Because he has probably forgotten about me now..
Probably moved on to the next girl..
But my heart and soul can’t help it..
He is permanently etched onto my heart..Onto my skin
I breathe through him..
I need him…
Sometimes I look at your pictures..
Our pictures…. Going through each and every one of them.. I have tried to delete them.. I really have.. But that part of my heart that still belongs to you just won’t let me.. One by one..I explore them.. Investigate them.. Looking at happier times.. Seeing a time when you used to adore me.. To still need me.. To still miss me..
To look at me like I was your whole world.. A time when a day wouldn’t pass without you telling me I was yours.. Sometimes memories of us play in my head.. Over and over like a never ending reel.. Torturing my very being.. Because I know this reel will never be expanded.. Added to with new memories.. Sometimes I try to not think about you.. Because when I do I lose myself in an emotion filled tide.. I disappear into a dark abyss of utter pain.. My soul aches for you.. My heart breaks into a million pieces My body yearns for your touch.. Sometimes….. Just sometimes… I wish you still belonged to me…