Who Decided??

From the beginning of time
Beauty has been defined the same way
Long silky hair
Light skin.. the lighter the better
Big breasts, the bigger the better
Long legs that go on forever
Slim modelesque statute 
But who decided what true beauty is
Why is it that we have been bombarded with images of the perfect woman
Why is it that women do everything they can to be
 the desire of every man
Getting breast implants
Living in the gym to stay slender
Getting surgery and buying face products to look young
Little girls starving themselves to be the hottest in the class
Wearing skimpy clothes because of what they see on television and on magazines
Growing up too fast and wanting to dance on poles because it seems like the cool thing to do
Married women struggling to stay sexy
Because they are scared their husbands will find prettier younger girls
Why do we long to be yearned for by men 
Why is it that we were made to be different
And who decided that certain women are beautiful and others are not??

68 thoughts on “Who Decided??

    • Very true, but no one ever notices the imperfections as something beautiful.. All they think about is changing them to something more suitable or approved by the society.. Thanks for stopping by.. 🙂

  1. The media decided it. The men and women accepted it. They accepted the idealized forms of each gender. Just last night, I went out to one of my good friend’s younger sister’s birthday dinner (that was a mouthful!): and one of her classmates showed up in what we described as a curtain top. And she’s only 16. The world we live in is pretty messed up, the shock value has been almost entirely negated. Teen pregnancies, drinking at a young age…among other things. And the people who also need to shoulder the blame…are parents!

    Lemme go…before it turns into a rant. Ha!

    Nice post!

    • Lol.. Ranting is ok, and thank you. I agree with you, parents have to be blamed as well, but the fact of the matter is the moment the child starts going to school, parents have no say in what the child learns from outside..

      • That’s sorta true. But remember…everyone else besides the parents is still raising the child. It takes a village to raise one, African proverb. Like I said…number one enemy media. BUT…who runs the media? Parents. Money hungry parents sure. But still parents.

  2. I was taught to draw from naked men and women from the age of 16 so pictures offered as examples on your blog to me look aesthetically ridiculous. As a graphic designer I also attended even directed some photo sessions, and the tricks with light and shade, make-up, well the list is endless. So I suppose erotic for me is as natural as possible. Pneumatic breasts is what they look like, she looks as if she is in permanent imbalance ! Over extension of limbs could be a photo-shop job but looks freakish and that is exactly what they are looking for. ‘Push the barriers’ ‘we have seen it all before’, so something more extreme is necessary. Even if those two ladies were attracted to me, I wouldn’t be to them, not my kind of girl, a little greymatter please.
    So I am with your poem until you mix it with the natural urges to make babies that both genders are hard wired to perform, that’s where it gets complicated! Thats what the media taps into.

    • True, i understand what you mean, we are hardwired to make babies.. But the problem is the images that the media puts out there as the most beautiful woman, like you are saying you would not be attracted to the two ladies on the picture, and most men will not be attracted to the one on the right, the African girl, but the truth is the one who has the huge bust in the blue swimsuit is what every man would love in a woman.. and many woman struggle to become like that girl, big bust, small waits and body, blond hair, light skin, blued beauty.. And for those that can not be like her, they go to great extremes trying..

  3. This is so true and society is so wrong!! I work hard to influence my children not to be caught up in this world we live in of color & size & etc…Being that I have 3 different shades of color in my home within the same race…I see it with people saying aww she so pretty with her light skin…or she is not as light as your other girls but she pretty too…as if that is unusal for a darker girl to be pretty! I hate but Great post!!!

      • Interestingly enough, I was talking with some of my friends (African descent) and they said that it’s only okay if a darker person is with a lighter person (alternating genders). Society is messed up!

  4. I was always
    kind of glad
    in a way.

    For the kind of men
    who were attracted to women
    who were attracted to men
    who were attracted to women
    who looked like that
    weren’t looking for –
    couldn’t even see –
    what I could see.

    those men
    and those women
    could go play somewhere else.

    all the more space
    For me
    And you
    To find one another.

    And I am so so glad
    that we did.

  5. Well said! So much of this is commercially driven, but still some is just the average of what guys are looking for as an ideal — the same works the other way, but fortunately, women don’t put the emphasis on these things as much as men do.

    The whole point is not to be enamored with bodies, but to evaluate the spiritual value and general worth of the person inside completely outside of context of body, possessions, etc. I guess to some degree we are all playing in this game but also protesting it.

    Very nicely written poem!

  6. It’s difficult to embrace your own uniqueness when society and the media tell you otherwise. I’ve struggled for so long, and I honestly reached a point where I thought I was beautiful, I was good enough. But as I get older, it’s just becoming more of a fact to me that certain women are considered “prettier” and “hotter”, and the world is nicer to these girls. Guys may say that looks don’t matter, and they don’t prefer the “supermodel” types, but it’s not true. I’m in my freaking early twenties and I’m being told I’ve reached my “expiration date” to find a man. I’ve always been about women doing it for themselves, but at the end of the day, there’s always going to be that voice at the back of your head whispering “not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not good enough…”

    Xx Lily

    • I know what you mean Lily, its so hard to try and look at yourself in the mirror and believe you are beautiful yet look at the images on the media and then realize that their version of the most beautiful woman is nothing like you. and I believe all we can do is work hard to push away those small voices.. 😀

  7. Awesome and insightful writing Abi. The topic is so interesting and I’ve often pondered it myself. As humans, we can’t avoid physical attraction being the first step in “liking” someone, but the social media seems to modify it for us in some way.
    One thing I’ve noticed in my life is that the most physically beautiful woman can soon be ugly (even in appearance) after seeing what she is “inside.” Also, a woman that did not appear so attractive in the beginning can soon become the most beautiful ever (physically even), after seeing what is inside. I guess the important thing is to get to know people and see what beginning impressions we have before making assumptions.
    Then, there are the other human conditions, such as wanting something new, etc. even for those with a supermodel wife or perfect example husband. What causes that? I don’t know…

    peace and hugs

    • I am forever pondering that as well.. sometimes people want something or someone new, i don’t know what causes this change in people.. what makes a person be like ” ok i need a new person in my life”?.. i mean are they bored? do they just not love the person anymore.. its just a very confusing and complicated issue..thanks for coming by Scott.. 😀

  8. Abi Darlin’! Sorry it took me so long to read this but, I’m sure you already know, I was sick. I truly love, love, love this!!!! And I must say a humongous Amen to it! Beauty is found in us all as God’s creation and who is man to decided what it should be? Great, fabulous job! Love ya, beautiful lady! XOXOXO Mom

    • Thank you Terri.. This topic is always on my mind.. Its like someone in the sphere of time made the decision and ever since everyone has been striving hard to become like that or suffering because they are not..thanks for coming by.. 😀

  9. how very true. who decides anyway? what makes others qualified to judge? is beauty alone a factor? does no one care abt intellect? good post. terri recommended that i read ur blog. id appreciate if u could visit mine some time. thanks 🙂

    • yeah, that is so true, men always control how and what women should do, whether they know that they do it or not, it still affects little girls.. thanks for the comment.. 🙂

    • That is very true, everyone is beautiful in their own different way, but the problem is as women, we feel so much pressure to be what the politics or the media wants us to be.. thank you for your comment.. 🙂

    • Maybe I’m a little rare, but I’m a white guy that thinks the darker skin the better and I don’t like big breasts and I don’t like the full figure with the hips etc because for me it represents a future “too big” of a woman. lol. Sorry, just saying my physical attraction things. Just sitting here on this Saturday afternoon blog surfing and commenting once again on my favorite bloggers. Have a good weekend!

      • lol.. You might be the only men that i have ever heard saying he doesn’t like big breasts.. :-D.. And no apologies needed, i like that you can share with all of us your views on this topic.. and a very great weekend to you too Sir.. 😀

  10. The funny thing is that before the 1960s in the US, the ideal of female beauty was much plumper – plumpness can be a status symbol since it implies being well fed – I’ve been told that magazines even used to advise women to eat butter throughout the day to try to add fat to their bodies, though I can’t find evidence of this, so I don’t know if it’s just a myth. But anyway, it seems like all those physical attributes – breasts, hips, lips, hair – are about exaggerating sexual differences in a species where (unlike many other species) there is actually very little natural difference in appearance between males & females.

  11. The physical manifestation is but a vehicle for the soul.

    Pay attention to its maintenance rather than its adornment, which ever gender you are.

    Meanwhile It is good to work in secret to improve your character.

    The kind of companion and partner you seek will judge you on your inner beauty rather than your outward appearance..

    Those who do not are not the one you seek.

  12. This is so true.. I miss the days where natural curves was beautiful and people wouldnt ask if you are sick just because you dont have a tan.. gee our society is not a very pretty one

  13. Great ‘gritty poem! Its the media which keeps these false images going. I think/hope society is starting to see through surgery etc now and beginning to embrace the more natural loveliness of beautiful woman…

    • I also hope so, but i feel like it gets worse..That the media makes it bad, but we the society just pile on and are becoming more obsessed with the perfect physical attributes..Thank you for coming by 🙂

  14. truly a topic for a debate. we as a society are messed up. maybe it is a genetics thing. but seriously butt lifts, boob jobs, nose jobs, anorexic diets are a plague which is polluting our women, and men they are conditioned to think that type of figure as “perfect” by media. why don’t we think beauty is only skin deep, and the real beauty lies deep within the soul, character intellect and behavior. the day we accept each other for what they are, our relationships will be happier and society wise there will be no more messed up surgeries or young girls dying of anorexia.

    • You are so right.. This is a topic which is very close to my heart, it really sadness me to see women starving themselves because they want to look like the perfect girl from the media, and it pains me so much because i know that i also sometimes fall into a mood where im like why were we made so different, and it ruins my whole day, but at least i can realize that im beautiful the way i am and i dont let it go so far as being anorexic or bulimic or even depressed every single day because of the fact that i am not a tall, slim, with big breasts, blond hair and blue eyes..Thank you for coming by.. 🙂

  15. Since the beginnings of any two creatures breeding to ensure the continuance of their species, biologically they sought specific traits required for health, reproduction and survival. Certain of those traits became vital to endure their environments. Down through the years, many of those traits have been passed down, socially, genetically and subconsciously. Many of those traits are now so ingrained as to be universal and pervasive. Women usually subconsciously seek slightly taller, older men of health, vitality, strength and power to protect and provide. Men seek healthy, physically active, younger, women with child bearing hips, slim waists and ample nursing breasts. To birth, feed and nurture their offspring. When you ask “Who Decided”, the answer is that Nature decided. And Natural Selection largely dictates that picture envisioned in every individuals mind of what the “perfect” man or the “perfect” woman is supposed to look like.

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